30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 27

Friday January 1, 2010:  So, my meditation streak has officially survived into 2010!  It was not easy as I was away at a vacation rental with friends and there were books and games and bottles of wine and the “cadillac” of hot tubs (this thing had room for 16 with a variety of lights and jets and audio entertainment).  On Friday evening, several friends and I had gone into the hot tub but no one can last in hot, bubbling water longer than I can and my friends left and went inside.  So, it was just me alone with the sounds of a gusting wind and a sort of ghostly mist rising off the water and a few scattered stars.  Alone in the water on New Year’s Day, I did begin to contemplate the year I had left behind and the year I was now in.  Patience (and my general lack of it) was on my mind.  I contemplated how impatience or snap judgement had contributed to some missteps in 2009 and vowed to be more patient in the new year (I am picturing my next 30 day challenge as 30 straight days of never honking my horn!)  I thought to myself, “Couldn’t I just meditate here?”  But, it somehow seemed a little wrong. I mean, I was surrounded by nature but I was also in this very decadent toy.  So, reluctantly, I got out of the warm water and into the freezing cold air and went inside to meditate.  Maybe because I’d been in this very still, contemplative state in water, I found myself restless when I tried to sit for meditation.  I was unfocused and, I’ll admit, it was one of the few times when I felt the meditation as a burden, something I had to do rather than something I wanted to do.  Often over the past few weeks I’ve had to be use real discipline to go and sit for meditation when I’m tired or busy or distracted.  But, usually once I get settled in, those feelings pass and I’m really glad to be there.  This is one of the few times when I never really felt like I connected to the process.  I tried using the ham sa mantra.  It did provide a focus and I could feel a slow movement of energy up towards the crown of my head but I never really dove deep.  Rather, I felt like I was on the surface of the meditation, like I was in the water and I could see the waves but I could not feel their pull.